IUI...Or Not

Things don't always go as planned and today is no exception. My body didn't respond as well to the clomid as it did last cycle. The mid-cycle ultrasound this morning showed four follicles again, but none of them were even close to being mature.

Normally in this situation, they would just have me come back in a couple of days...so that the follicles have some more time to grow...do another ultrasound, and schedule the IUI then. In my case, this day would have been Friday; however, the infertility clinic will be closed that day for the holiday weekend, so I wouldn't be able to be seen until Monday and that will be too late in my cycle to do any of this....so we won't be doing an IUI this cycle. I usually love holidays and three day weekends, but this one has royally screwed us over.

We've been so determined and hopeful this past year...especially the past couple of months...but now I just feel defeated...the most I've felt since we first started trying. We wasted a whole round of clomid this cycle and all the mood swings were for nothing now. The doctor said we can still do "natural conception" and recommended having lots of sex this weekend, but...well, gee doc, if we could get pregnant by just having sex, we wouldn't be going through all this and I'd have already been pregnant! I know she didn't mean anything by it and was just doing her job, but daggummit...it just sucks, and there isn't any nicer way of putting it.

I actually made it out of the hospital and into my car before I let myself get upset. This is such a difficult journey for us...one I wouldn't wish on anyone...and today was incredibly hard. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if Jessica is meant to be our only child. Not a day goes by that we don't thank our lucky stars to have been blessed with such an amazing, healthy child, and even though she has brought so much joy and happiness to our lives, it doesn't make us want another baby any less. We so badly want to add to our family...a new baby to share our love and lives with...a brother or sister for our little girl.

I know in my heart that it'll happen when it's suppose to, and when that time comes all of this...the tests, the meds, the side effects, the procedures, the disappointments, the tears....will be worth it....SOOOO worth it! I find comfort in this because Jessica was. She was definetely worth the wait and I know the next one will be, too!