Carpooling

I usually don't post a lot of personal relationship problems on here, whether it is with our marriage or problems between relatives and/or friends simply because 1) I would rather spend time writing about positive aspects and events in our lives rather than negative ones, and 2) most of the time I don't feel like it is the entire cyber-world's business....but this one issue has been bothering me and actually kept me up for a while last night....so much info going round and round in my head makes for a restless night. Maybe it will help to put it out there and hopefully get some advice on it. Be prepared--it's probably gonna be a long one.

For the better part of last year, Jeff carpooled into work with a friend....actually his friend, Jeremie, who happened to be renting our extra bedroom at the time. Jeff never paid him any gas money; however, they both benefited from the situation. You see, Jeremie didn't help out with groceries all that much...looking back, I think he only gave us money for groceries about 3-4 times in the eight months he lived with us, and every now and then he would bring in a gallon of milk and/or some cereal or lunchmeat and bread, which even though we appreciated it, it honestly didn't go that far considering how much Jeff and I spent every paycheck for groceries to feed all of us. At one point we asked him if he could help out more with that expense around the house especialy since I planned and cooked decent meals for dinner several times a week, and he got bent out of shape because as he pointed out that Jeff got a free ride to work with him every day and that was saving us money on gas, so in his opinion it was fair that he didn't have to help out with groceries that much. In all honesty...he was right, so we let the subject drop. Even though it wasn't strictly a carpooling arrangement, they both financially benefited from the situation: we saved money on gas since Jeff rode to work with Jeremie every day and Jeremie saved a good bit of money on food since we paid for the majority of the gorceries in the house.

Jeremie moved out in December, and they have actually been using our car for transportaion to and from work almost every day since the end of October. One reason for the vehicle switch was because Jeremie got rid of his Ford Expedition and bought an old classic--one that he's had a lot of problems with....so much so that it very unreliable and he would rather not drive it the 20-40 minutes it takes just to get to Portsmouth where they work...but seriously, how smart is it to buy a vehicle....the only vehicle you have....and it's one you can't even depend on enough to drive yourself to work....not very smart if you ask me....but that's just my opinion.

Anyway....now that I've gotten sorta off topic....during the past couple of months, Jeremie has not once offered to help with gas expenses, so about a week ago, Jeff finally asked Jeremie if he could help pay for gas. Not to mention that this past week, they have also solely been using our vehicle to go to the gym to work out several times. And even though they had a day off of work yesterday which would have saved us on gas, Jeremie asked Jeff to drive him over to Portsmouth for a dental appointment even though Jeremie has his own car....but yet again, it's one that he won't drive all too often for one reason or another. Jeff--being the nice person that he is--said he would, and when I found out, I told Jeff...in very sarcastic tone, might I add...that I didn't suppose that Jeremie was going to offer any gas money for the trip since they both knew it would have been a day that Jeff wouldn't have made that drive, and of course, I was right.....no gas money. Did I mention that when Jeff asked Jeremie to help out with gas money, Jeremie didn't really say yes or no....he just gave Jeff this look like I can't believe he's asking me this....the bad thing is....I feel that if Jeff pushes the issue with Jeremie helping out with gas expenses, Jeremie will get so bent out of shape that he'll just quit riding into work with him...which is fine if he chooses to do so...it looks like we'd be stuck paying for gas whether Jeremie was riding....or is it suppose to be carpooling....with Jeff or not....but I think it would be a pretty crappy move on his part...to leave things like that...especially since I know that if the shoe were on the other foot, Jeremie would want to be benefitting from the advantages of carpooling if it were his car they were using constantly and his money that always paid for the gas.

I don't understand...they both financially benefited from the previous arrangement even though it was with different expenses, but now the only person who is benefitting from the current arrangement is Jeremie. In my opinion it feels like Jeff is running a cheoffer service rather than participating in a carpooling arrangement.

The reason all of this is bothering me so much is because Jeff and Jeremie have been friends for five years now, and they're friendship has already been stressed the past several months for other reasons I'm not gonna get into right now....well, maybe I will...at least some of it anyway. Jeff and I welcomed Jeremie into our home for eight months. We wouldn't have done that for just anyone and we never got so much as a thank-you.....added to it that Jeremie's girlfriend basicly lived with us for a short period of time last fall even though she had her own place....sleeping here every night, eating with us, taking showers, and doing her laundry.....it was fun to begin with, but when the days turned into weeks and then into a month, our utility bills started going up and Jeff and I were having to go out and buy more groceries. We realized that we were essentially providing for a whole other person with our already tight budget, so we told Jeremie that if she was going to continue staying over here...or living with us....whatever you want to call it....either she or him had to help out with the extra costs. Obviously they didn't agree with us cause she quit coming over as much, and then almost all together for a while which was due to a whole other reason...one that I'm definetely not gonna get into right now!

WOW...ok, now that I'm done with my rant and sorta off topic, yet again...back to the carpooling....even after all that, Jeremie seems to have a problem with helping Jeff out with gas money which I don't think should be an issue since they do take our vehicle every day. They both benefited from the previous arrangement, so I don't think it's too much to ask that Jeremie pay Jeff some gas money so that they can both benefit from the current arrangement....of course it would only be considered carpooling if all parties involved split the cost of gas; therefore, making it cheaper for everyone involved.

Jeff and I are both SO non-confrontational, and I do believe that Jeff would just let the subject drop all together if it wasn't for me harping on him about it, but....I don't know....Jeff is my husband...I get protective of him when I feel like someone is taking advantage of him, just as he does me. And I do feel like Jeremie has taken advantage of their friendship before and is currently doing so right now--whether it is intentionl or not.

This turned out to be so much longer than I expected and obviously there are other issues involved than just the carpooling, but that happens to be the current one. Am I wrong? I don't feel as though I am, but I'm still not sure how to proceed cause I don't want Jeff to lose a good friend over something as trivial as carpooling; however, I do know that something has to change cause I feel like we've been taken advantage of by friends too often lately, and I don't want that to continue. Advice...help...anyone?